I wish I took karate classes when I was little...

So I could break down those barriers that comes with being a Deaf person in the job search world.

I've been actively looking for a job for eight months. There has been no luck for me, mostly because when I get an phone interview they're connected to an interpreter... When I get an in-person interview, I kindly ask for an interpreter as an alternative to our pen/paper interview... Or a whole disregard of my experiences as an upcoming Social Media guru... I could go on and on.

When I'm connecting to a call with an interpreter, it is immediately known that I'm a Deaf applicant. It's not the phone connecting to an interpreter that bothers the potential employers but the concept of the "hassle" of having an interpreter on stand by the whole time I'm working for them. I can't tell you how many times I've reassured them that I wouldn't need an interpreter 24/7 at work, just for meetings with more than one person. For one on one meetings, pen and paper or even typing on Word would suffice. Most of the time the interviewers are very eager to ask questions about how I would be able to function in their offices, and I'm more than always glad to explain. But then when the interview ends, they say they'll reach the HR office and get back to me...they never do. They always picks the other applicant.

When I get an in-person interview, the e-mails keep coming but when I put in a request for an interpreter, it's almost always radio silence after that. I don't go "hey, I need an ASL interpreter, bye" but I give detailed resource list where they could find interpreters and I provide a phone number for myself willing to help them find an interpreter if they struggle to do so. Radio silence.

People have asked me to keep quiet about interpreters and just show up with a pen and paper ready to talk. I'm not 100% comfortable with concealing the fact that I'm Deaf, but I did it for one interview--one bad interview and I'm never doing it again.

Actually, I thought it was a great interview, I connected with the interviewer and we had a great time chatting about the retail store I was interviewing for...then I get a phone call that they wouldn't be hiring me because I wouldn't be able to use the radio while working the sales floor and because the customers would be "annoyed" with my time-delay when I'm using pen and paper to communicate with them. I tried negotiating that it would be my responsibility to check in with the management instead of using the radio, but no luck. It was still "We're not hiring you because you're Deaf".

Wait, what? That's discrimination.

Yep. I decided to ask the interviewee if she wanted to use the reasoning why they're not hiring me against me, and she said yes. So I took the whole compliant to the HR offices, and guess what they told me? "Yeah, the radio use is required in the company policy. Sorry." Basically that, I tried asking if they were a Disability compliant company, they were, so why was I being discriminated. I explained to them that I've had multiple Deaf friends working in the retail field without being required to use the radio, we have extra responsibilities to check in with and such. They tried to steer me towards a stock position that wouldn't require any radio communications. This didn't work as seeing I didn't get the position still. I just let it go. Forget it. They didn't seem like the company I would have enjoyed working for if they were going to hire me against their own will just to meet the "disability" quota.

The third reasoning is purely on my own not because of my "disability", lack of experience. I think my resume looks FABULOUS with some incredible internship opportunities, but nobody is catching my bait. Why? I don't know. You know the saying that you don't have enough experience to get a job, but to get more experience you need to get a job...that's where I'm stuck at right now.

Often when I'm picking up a call from a potential employer, I'm always praying to myself that I don't have to "convince" them that regardless of my Deafness I can do the job. My resume is great, a few potential employers have told me that (and still doesn't hire me...I don't get it), but nothing is jumping into the Sara Jane pool. I dread getting "We've moved on with someone else" e-mails, because a part of me is anxious it's because I'm Deaf. Is it because I'm Deaf? I don't know, I will probably never find out--and I hope I never do, because if I do and if it's because I'm Deaf--I don't know if I can take being outright discriminated again.

With all this frustrations looking for a job for eight months, have I once wished I wasn't Deaf? Never. I keep rallying on, and I'm still pretty damn proud I'm Deaf. I'm a part of an incredible community and culture, I have incredible Deaf friends and even more incredible family. I'm damn proud.

Am I proud of the hearing community for the outright oppression of giving Deaf people a chance at working? No. Obviously. I wish the hearing community would ask more questions about us and be more interested, because we're probably gonna be the best damn employees you'll ever have at your company.

If you're an employer at a hearing company and you're unsure about Deaf people, message me and I'll be happy to answer any of your burning questions and to resolve your doubts of hiring Deaf people into your offices!

This is my experience searching for a job, in no way this reflects the entire community at large--but this is what most Deaf people will experience and struggle with. In no way this is okay but this is a part of our lives, our daily struggle to get noticed in the big bad world. Did you have a different experience with your job search, do you have tips or suggestions? Do share with me!

Fitting in my skin

Size. Does. Not. Matter.

I keep reminding myself of that when I'm out shopping or sitting at home thinking of working out. I think of working out more than I actually work out, #storyofmylife.

I have always struggled with my body image, like almost every American girl out there thanks to our advertising and "society norms"

The shocker? The more I think about it, the more I am comfortable with my own body. I used to be a size six, but now I'm ranging from an eight to an eleven. Do not assign a specific size to your body and stick by it, a size eight has never felt more comfortable rather than slinking in a size six. Manufactures make clothes very differently, you might be a size eight in American Eagle jeans but then you're a size sixteen in H&M (this is actually true). Try clothes on based on how it fits, not on the size. If it's too tight, chafing or clingy--go a size up. Always. If it's too loose and so forth, go a size down! Duh?

This was me at my lowest weight back in 2012. I wore a size six-seven. Sorry Gee-Gee, I know this is a horrible picture of your RBF, you still look gorgeous though!

I first noticed my body started changing after I left RIT in December, probably because I was sitting around a lot more--but my body started changing in other ways. This was the universe telling me to bear children, and I said/and still am saying a harsh "no, not now" back. I threw out all of the jeans that don't fit me, regardless if my fitness regimen allows me to fit in them some other day, I'm left with two skinny jeans that are in size eight and they're SUPER comfortable. They might be slightly stretchy, thanks Target!

I've always struggled finding shorts thanks to my thunder thighs, but I found size eleven to be the most comfortable, and it was pretty shocking to see the size that actually fit me--but who cares? It fits, it feels amazing and I LOOK amazing. What else do I need? My boyfriend loves me regardless of my size, there's more of me to love.

My bust...I won't even get started with this but other than I love my bust more than anything. I used to hate it all the time, struggling with finding a cute bathing suit, a cute but yet more coverage bra and a less cleavage-y shirt--but now, I just embrace it. I found shirts that fit my bust better, I found incredible full coverage bras that fit like a glove, and I found bathing suits that I can rock.

It's time for our society to stop focusing on sizes, and start focusing on what makes us feel amazing in our skin. Let it be bigger clothes, or let it be more expensive clothes--whatever makes you feel INCREDIBLE is worth it.

Here's a picture of me currently size hopping between an eight and an eleven.

People honestly come up to me and go "are you sure you're an eleven? You look incredible!" I know I do, and I dress to look incredible! Between the two pictures I show, you can barely tell the difference or the weight I've put on. I've barely put on any weight (between those two pictures, I've gained around only 15 pounds), my body has just dramatically changed. It's time to stop judging people on their size and start embracing their big hearts and personality.

Of course, this goes without saying that I do have my days where I hate how my clothes fit my body or when I feel like I've eaten too much that day. Nobody is that positive about their body, but I'm working towards the body image I want and how I want to feel about my body. The struggle will always be there, but the best thing to do is to stay positive and steer clear of ill-fitting clothes!

#BeYOUtiful.

(Now Sara, stop thinking of work outs you could do and go actually do them.)

EDIT: After letting this post simmer for a while on my scheduled timeline on Blogger, I want to say that a lot of my conversations with ladies out there revolves around weight, feeling bad about one's self, and a lot of body shaming. I admit this, I partake in those conversations--but lately I see myself trying to steer away from those by providing compliments about the person overall instead of complementing them on their body.

It is extremely hard to get somebody's body image into a positive frame, but I'm positive if we're more encouraging about our own bodies first rather than being negative, we'll be able to help others with their body image. It's not going to be an overnight battle, it will be a lifetime battle. I can only hope it will be easier for my future daughter (if I ever have a girl) to cope with her body and love herself the way she's born.

Again, not everybody has the same ideal body image, but we can help others realize they're beautiful just the way they are. My fitness goals don't include weight loss but it includes toning and feeling in shape aka feeling great. If I lose weight during the way of my fitness regimen, then good! It's not a priority.

Challenge accepted!

At the beginning of the year I decided I wanted to finally start and complete a Goodreads Reading Challenge. I set my goal for 20 books this year (a pretty low goal, I know but I have to split my time between books and Netflix--how could you just choose one!?), and I'm more than half-way there and it's only August! Insert London Tipton "yay me!" here. (Ok fine, here you go. So very disappointed there's not very good gifs of this out there.)

Join me in the challenge, but honestly is it even a challenge when you're reading books? I think not!

So far I have read (click on the links for summaries on Goodreads):

• The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy 1, 2, 3; yes, I regret it. I regret watching the movie even more. I won't even bother summarizing it up for you or even give it stars.
• Tumbleweeds by Leila Meacham; ✮✮✮✮, very Friday Night Lights (TV version aka the best version, Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose!) and at points a thriller novel. Great book to sit by the fireplace with!
• Saltwater Kisses by Krista Lakes; ✮✮✮, very cute short book about a romantic meeting on the beach. Great beach read! I'll read the rest of the series and get back to you!
• Nickel Plated by Aric Davis; ✮✮✮, very interesting read--a little hard to get into but it got very good. It's very anti-heroic!
• The Good Braider by Terry Farish; ✮✮✮✮, unique way of reading a book--I usually despise free versed books, but this was so compelling. A tale of girl being relocated from Sudan to Maine, a story of readjusting to American norms. Very good!
• Sara's Game by Ernie Lindsey; ✮✮✮✮, I got this book for free (and most of my e-books) using BookBub, so this was one of the daily deals...It was much better than I thought it would be. I'm noticing a trend in thriller books for me this year, but this is no Gone Girl but it's good!
• The Walking Dead, Compendium 1; ✮✮✮✮✮, no question about it. I've been a faithful watcher of the TV show, and it's refreshing to read the graphic novels. So different than the show, treat yo' self and read the volumes!
• The Walking Dead, Compendium 2; ✮✮✮✮✮, of course, I had to do the second collection. I read most of the two compendiums by the pool. Perfectly short and quick to get through, you can't stop your page turning!
• Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult; ✮✮✮✮✮, Oh. My. God. You can't bash Jodi here. You just can't. So very haunting, when I put this book down I had to stop reading for a couple of days because it just stuck in my head. One of my favorites by her, hands down.
• Further evidence, see my Goodreads review here.
• Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen; ✮✮, by the far MOST disappointing book I've read by Sarah Dessen. Might re-read it in a couple of months and see if my opinion changes. The least relevant character build ups happen in this book. Maybe Dessen's storylines has run out of steam. Just...no.
• Further evidence again, here.
• Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn; ✮✮✮✮, Ok... I have some good things to say about this book and a lot of bad things. It was extremely hard to get into but when you were into it, it was good! Very Gillian Flynn-esque ending with a shock twist. If you've read Gone Girl, you'll know her style of writing is very hard to get into, her characters are not relatable--and I don't think they ever were meant to be. Still worth a read!
• Read Gina's review on this book over at her blog (and give her a follow too!).
• Where She Went (sequel to If I Stay) by Gayle Forman; ✮✮✮, I had such high hopes for this sequel (maybe that's what ruined the Saint Anything book too...) that I was just left...disappointed. I liked seeing the world through Adam's eyes, but nothing tugged at my heartstrings as hard as the first book did. I would suggest you read If I Stay and leave it at that.
• Dark Places by Gillian Flynn; ✮✮✮✮✮, Wow. This was MUCH better than Sharp Objects, I was effectively mind blown as I approached the final 100 pages. Creepy, screwed up and very compelling. I finished this book the other night and as I'm writing this I can't stop thinking of this book. So crazy and pretty screwed up, don't read this if you have a light stomach!'

I was never bitten by the travel bug...and I'm not complaining!

Summer is always the time you see your friends posting about a trip they're on or about to take. You've been hanging out on the couch in your yoga leggings (that you've probably been using for the last two days) and watching Parks and Recreation. Sure, that's me.

But does it bother me one bit? Nope. I enjoy seeing other people's pictures and stories, but I don't daydream about traveling to an exotic location every single moment of my day. Sure, I want to go to London purely because of the Harry Potter nerd inside me, and Ireland/Scotland due to my heritage. But to hike through a snake-infested forest or to hostel-hop? That's just not me.

Lately, a few friends (super traveller friends) have told me how much of the world I've missed out on. I should be traveling as much as I should because of cultures, views and such. With them telling me that, they just sound like snobs trying to shove their worldly selves onto me.

"Wait, I didn't mean to do that?"

I know you didn't, but to mention several locations you've gone to and tell people my opinion doesn't matter because I don't travel? Not cool. I'm my own person, I like making my own decisions. Next time you catch yourself telling someone they're missing out because they don't travel, stop. Just show them pictures and tell some incredible stories, they'll enjoy that instead! I know I've enjoyed so many various stories, and if you still have some for me--do tell me!

Newsflash...I've probably travelled the United States of America more than some of my friends have. If you didn't know yet, aside from the politics and corruption--America is truly beautiful. I want to travel MY country before I travel other people's countries. It's what we owe ourselves being Americans, IMO.

(I'm attaching potato quality photos, because back then I didn't have the world's best smartphone, and yes I mean my iPhone. Sorry, not sorry.)

Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada

Letchworth State Park, NY.

I've spent a month on the road with family relatives across America, going to Moline/Galesburg, IL then down to New Orleans, LA then through Houston, Texas and back up to Santa Rosa, California. I've gotten to see so many beautiful things on the way.

I drove across America with my dad to bring my car to Rochester, we drove through a Hurricane (Issac, thank you very much) but that didn't stop us from seeing gorgeous sunsets in the Mid West.

Genesee River, Rochester, NY

Again, another few more road trips to/from Cleveland, Washington DC, and Chicago all from Rochester, NY. Finally my most recent one to the Pacific Northwest. I'll tell you this, the most recent move to the Pacific Northwest was my favorite one. Nothing can beat the woods and the fog. I might be biased though!

The snow and trees on the Snoqualmie Pass, WA

And the destination...Seattle, WA!

I'll link you to the article that inspired this rambling post.

I'd like to clarify that I WILL travel, on my own terms, on my own time and with my own choices. It won't be because of you telling me that I should travel, or because I need to expand my horizons culturally. It will be because I will appreciate the traveling that I do.

For now, let me get back to Leslie/Ben on Parks and Recreation in my yoga leggings.

An Introvert and an Extrovert...

How does that even work?

I dunno, but ever since reading this article from Elite Daily, I can never look back and feel bad for the things I've "missed out on".

Just recently I had a massive melt-down (cue cranky Sara with a lot of mood swings in a public place just imagine a cranky 5 year old in a need of a nap) because I honestly had no explanation for how I felt. I felt overwhelmed with stimulation, there were too many people, I needed space, and I wanted to eat. (Hangry is a real thing I'm telling you.)

Nobody around me understood why I was feeling this way, and the worst part? I couldn't even explain why I was so...out of it. I just didn't want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go home.

When I'm around a lot of people at a period of time, I get too stimulated--I don't feel like doing anything and I just want to curl up in my bed. I want to get UN-stimulated.

I can't even explain it to you.

Maybe this Huffington Post article will explain it better than me.

I just wish more people understood or even tried to be compassionate about how I do things, and I wish people would be more nicer about it rather than taking it out on me because I don't want to be in a place anymore or because I don't want to go out that night.

People don't believe me when I say I'm a hard core Introvert, because they envision a social butterfly Sara. Yeah, I LOVE going out, but I LOVE lounging around the apartment watching something on Netflix or reading a book even more.

/currently writing this in a super dark room all alone. /creepy.

So, when you encounter an Intro-Extrovert person, think of the articles I've shared with you and try to understand where they're coming from. They don't want to ruin your day, hence them trying to leave before they have a melt-down. Continuous "are you okay?" or "what's wrong?" or "why are you cranky?" questions won't help, we just need a mental break from everything and go back to normal when we have that.