control -- |kənˈtrōl|

This word never really applied to me until today. I was driving to work today in dad's car, (my car was getting programmed with the new remote key--yay!) and I realized not having my own car was out of my control. I started thinking about all the things in my life that was out of my control, and you better believe I don't like it one bit. I'm not usually a controlling person, but I know what I want and how to get it. The fact that I cannot stand when things spiral out of control says a lot about what kind of a person I am. 

When someone gets mad at me, it is out of my control. I try to fix it as soon as possible. Not being able to see my boyfriend for another month and half, it's out of my control--and I'm at a loss how to handle it. The feeling I get when I'm missing my friends, it's out of my control--and I don't know how to deal with that either. Not being able to plan around for an event alone, not getting help from anybody else, it's out of my control. Surprises, I'm always wary of surprises because I'm not in control of it and I can't calculate my response towards it. A lot of little out of control things build up to stress, and that makes me a frustrating person to be around.

What am I in control of though? My major, I'm accomplishing a lot in two years and I don't plan on having anybody stop my dreams from coming true. My friends circle, who doesn't like me anymore or can't tolerate me--I let go. I don't need those people holding me down. My relationships, it might not sound all that good to you, but I have control (half of it is Taylor, and the other half is me) over what we're doing together. We can make decisions together, and that is being in control.

I'm watching some people spin out of control, and I'm wanting to fix them--but I know I can't always fix everybody. I think the rest of this year I'll be figuring out how to let go of some things that I don't need to be in control for. Let things be spontaneous for once. This will bring me new experiences and stories to tell.

Stop trying to be in control of everything.